...well its another post from our old flat, as we have not yet got our internet service up and running at our new place. I am missing posting regularly, I have so much to share with you! Pictures of our new home, and from my new walk to work (I have found a delightful path that takes you between some back gardens from Victorian terraced houses, all poppies and everlasting sweetpeas, so beautiful!). I have adventures to tell you about, new crafting to show you, some book reviews and recipes too. As soon as our internet is up and running, I will be here to share it all!
There is something else I want to share though, before then. I found out on Thursday evening that I have been made redundant from my job at the big library. I still have my little library which is a small comfort in terms of security both emotionally and financially (although it pays half of what I get for the big library) but in some ways it is no comfort at all. I feel shell shocked and almost like I am grieving. I wasn't alone so there are others suffering too but I am finding it hard not to be selfish and just concentrate on my own feelings right now.
I know in time I will look back at this and see it is a wonderful opportunity, but I have worked there since I was 18 (I will be 30 next year!) and count many of my colleagues as dear friends. I am having a few days off to acclimatise to the news before I go back in, on a notice period of not quite three months.
I am more or less past the crying stage, but I do feel horribly sad and numb, and really worthless. I feel like I have been judged and was not good enough. I have no confidence in my own judgement any more, and although there have been moments of smiles at silly little things and lovely messages from family and friends, I just feel...so, so bad.
I don't like this to be a sad place, but I do want it to be a proper reflection of my life, not just edited to show the good bits. So, will you take out your favourite tea cup with me, and share a cup of tea while I try to heal from this and plan the next steps forward? If you listen carefully, you can hear the clicking of my needles as I try and knit my way into a soothing rhythm and regain a bit of equilibrium in my life.
With love to you all,