Thursday, 7 July 2011

A Thursday in July

This week is a week of firsts and lasts for me. It is the first week of the new opening hours in our libraries, so suddenly my working week is very different to what it was. I am really sad that I will never have Fridays off unless I take leave, but happily I will be able to see Mum on a Thursday instead, as I now have 2 Thursdays off a month in exchange for working Saturdays. Now my little library on the hill opens earlier though, I will not be able to go to the WI market any more which is a shame.

It is also the first week of the new managers at the big library...and I am finding it really difficult. I am quite sure they are finding it as hard as I am, but if they would talk to me, or just look at me occasionally I would feel a whole lot better. Within a few days, I am going to be in my last month of the big library. That feels strange and so sad. On Friday, when the other managers left, everybody thought it was my last day too, so they threw a beautiful (but, for me, overwhelmingly sad) tea party for us. Alas I spent much of the time in the bathroom in tears becuase I am not ready to say goodbye yet. One of the loveliest things, they made (actually made, from scratch!) a book for each of us with messages from all the staff in it. I haven't been able to look at it yet, but I will. I was also lucky enough to receive a little pile of parcels, but I haven't been able to look at those yet either.

I suppose one of the problems is that whilst I am never going to be happy to leave, at least the situation woudl be eased a little bit if I had something to leave to go to. But nothing, and no hint of anything either. I had a really upbeat careers advice session with a professional, and been given a training grant, but since then I have met with nothing but dead ends and frustration. And I know, I really know, that we are in a downturn and there are many applications for every job. But I could never be so rude as to not at least acknowledge an application. Even if it was an automated outright rejection email, just something....when I do have a job again, I will never treat people as I have been treated.

So you can probably tell I have been finding it difficult to keep my chin up at the moment. I just feel as though there is this gaping black hole in front of me, and I am being inexorably moved towards it. You can see then, how Fleur de Guerre's post (click the title of this post to find it, or go to her blog via my sidebar, it is the post titled 'maximum glamour') just hit the spot for me. I looked down and realised I have chipped nail polish. That will never do! So I am going to spruce myself up a bit and try and keep my chin up. It is so hard though. I think it is the stress and being a bit run down, but I woke up with my ear bleeding again today, so I am waiting for a call from the doctor to tell me when I can go in and see him. Perhaps once I have some ear drops, freshly painted nails and a walk in the fresh air, I will feel better.

It is one of my favourite kinds of weather today - bright dazzling sunshine with terribly overcast skies, the threat of rain, but wonderfully invigorating wind. I find it really helps blow the cobwebs away!

I am babysitting for my godchildren this evening...alone! So I will also be preparing Carl a supper-on-a-plate for when he gets home, and I fancy a little dabble with some crochet too...and of course, I have the rest of my Daisy Dalrymple novel to read!



Nita in South Carolina said...

I'm so sorry you are so down. Try to think of this way - leaving the library means creating a large space in your life for something wonderful that is coming along a little bit later.

Dinahsoar said...

That gaping black hole is reality and while it can't be totally ignored--that would be living in denial which is not healthy-- it doesn't have to be the focus of your daily view.... and if you fill your waking hours with other things the power that black hole has to flatten you will diminish. It sounds like you are staying busy with some fun pursuits. Keep on with that--staying busy-- and as time passes new things will come into your life and eventually that hole will be filled with good stuff.