...so this time next week, it is my last day at Chelmsford! I still can't believe it and I am still really unhappy about it, both from the point of view that I am really, really going to miss working there, and also that it is going to make things difficult financially.
The job market here really isn't good at the moment...did I mention that for one job that I applied for, so did 299 other people?! There is a job I really, really want, in London. I hope to find out this week if I got an interview or not. When I first saw the job advert, I had a really good feeling about it, the kind of feeling I got when we viewed our current flat. I felt like it was mine. But now my application has gone in, I feel a lot less sure and a lot more nervous!
If I do get an interview, and please do keep your fingers crossed for me, they are a week Friday. So I will wake up on the monday morning afterwards with no job to go to. I don't want to say 'nothing to do' because there are always things to do at home, but that feeling of I should be at work...but I am not.
I know, I know I should try to enjoy the break, but it isn't a break if you don't have anything to go back too. If I knew it was going to be one, two, three or however many weeks before I got a job I could plan my time accordingly and try to enjoy it, but I am dreading it to be honest.
I don't mean to be gloomy, but I do find it really helps to talk out how I am feeling on here.
I hope so much that none of you will go through this, but sadly in this day and age it is likely that more people will be made redundant. If you do, the best advice I could give you is be kind to yourself. My new boss told me that yesterday, and I suddenly realised that I have been putting myself through things that I wouldn't do to my worst enemy! So if you can, tuck away a little money when you can to cushion you against the fall, and if you do fall, lower your expectations of yourself. Don't go to work when your skin si coming off and your ears are bleeding because you are so stressed. Don't force yourself to go into a workplace that makes you cry in the toilet every day. I know there isn't always an option, but if you need teh time, take teh time. Your logical brain will tell you that you will have all the time off you need once you have worked your notice, but ignore it! This is not about logic, it is about intuition. You will feel numb and sad and useless, but try not to dwell. Dwelling just pulls you down into a spiral of sadness. It sounds superficial, but get up out of bed, put on your red lipstick, drink your tea out of a cup and smile in the mirror. It might not be all better, but it is a start.
Also, look for cheap pleasures where you can. We have a subscription to Sky which we cannot cancel because we are on a contract. So rather than fill my time watching trash which drains me, I record things that I want to see and are 'good quality'. Rather than read trashy gossip magazines (the kind filled with celebrities who I have no idea who they are' save your pennies and buy one really good quality magazine instead. Borrow books you have always wanted to read. Keep an eye on the bargain bin when you are doing the shopping groceries, but don't forget to try buying cheaper cuts of meat full price and cooking them low or slow. A bargain is good, but rummage too often and you start to feel like you are scavenging rather than eating.
There are so many little pleasures that everyone knows about, but because we all know about them, we tend to forget them. Take a bubble bath mid afternoon for true decadence! Walk in the park, fill your lungs with fresh air, and enjoy the view...it is free! Bake a cake or biscuits. Listen to beautiful music, read your favourite blogs.
Whatever else you do, just be kind to yourself, and remember, this too, shall pass.
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