Monday, 25 September 2006

Feeling Blue

On the whole, I try and keep my blog a happy friendly place, as I am, on the whole, a happy person. But I also appreciate this as a little place where I can speak my mind when I am feeling blue- I feel like this is a space where I can speak and be understood. And since no one here is connected with what I am about to unload about, I don’t have to worry about offending anyone involved…

The thing is, our wedding. Well not our wedding itself, but the Wedding part of it- the reception, the dresses and all that. We do not have a huge budget, and even if we did have lots of cash to spare, a Big Wedding would not be us. So a lot of the things we are doing, we are doing them because they make our day more personal, and because they also save money- a happy combination.

Our day, so far. I am making the invitations. I am going to use a rubber stamp to emboss our names in the middle of a card, then use a craft punch to make some flowers in shades of pink, which I will stick randomly around our names. One or two of the flowers will have a little tiny diamante at the centre. Then inside, a slip of paper printed from the computer in a pretty font with the invitation, directions etc.

We are getting married in a little country church. I got my dress in a sample sale, and my Mum is doing the flowers (not the church flowers, but the people flowers if that makes sense). The plan from then on was to go to this little family run golf club about ten minutes away, to have a welcome drink and nibbles on the lawn, while we have a few photos.

In for afternoon tea- sandwiches, salad, quiche, cold meat and a baked salmon, served from a buffet, then trays of scones, strawberries and profiteroles served to the tables. We will have background music on the CD player, and if I can find enough money, I have found a man who can look at a person, then cut their silhouette portrait in two minutes- I would love to have him there, wandering amongst the tables.

Then we cut the cake, have speeches with sparkling wine for the toast, and move from the upstairs restaurant to downstairs for tea, coffee, and cake. Carl and I have our first dance on the lawn, then that is it- we go off, people go off, all in a flutter of confetti.

We got the quote, and it was around £5,000. This is where the trouble begins, you see. I am happy to lose the canapés, which with the welcome drinks account for £825 of the quote. I think the sparkling wine is overpriced- £19 a bottle, and it was meant to be an economy, instead of champagne!! I want to pay the £8 corkage and go buy a case of fizz from Majestic. But this is it- when I was talking about it with my in-law to be, she thought we were not being ripped off over the drink and suggested having just sandwiches for the reception.

Now I am not knocking anyone who wants to have a sandwich reception, but in my mind, that is what I would want for a Christening. I don’t feel like I am asking for ever such a lot, and am happy to lose the canapés, the welcome drink,- I don’t even really want to have wine on the tables as I don’t think it is appropriate for afternoon tea, but have been shouted down.

I am wearing a sample sale gown (which I do love, but it would be nice to have one that no one else has worn, that is just mine), I am making my own invitations, sorting out the flowers, having a cake from the supermarket, and it is getting to the point where I feel there is not much more we can do to economise, to cut back, to reel it in. There is not much more I want to do. I feel like the compromises we have made, we have made in good spirit- and as I say, mainly because me making the invitations means more to me than buying them, but also it is a tenth of the price.

I don’t mind not having a sit down dinner, not having a posh car, all of that. I know £5,000 is an awful lot of money, but considering the cost of the average wedding now is £17,000 I think we have done rather well. I find it really hard to articulate what I mean, but I feel sad, like I am not asking for very much, and am prepared to do with less than that, but not so very much less that it all feels wrong. I know, I know the day is about being married, and that is the most important thing to me. But it is also important to me to share this special day with our family and friends- and if we can’t do that, I am beginning to feel like I would just like to get married on our own and go have tea at the Ritz.

But then again, I feel that I want my family with me, and I don’t want to give up that for the sake of money arguments. (If you are wondering why In-Laws have such an influence, they are making the majority of the financial contribution).

I know it is a bad reaction to stress, but I went and ate a bar of Green and Blacks chocolate at lunch which I know is not the answer, but made me feel better for five minutes. And now I feel bloated and worried that I have spoiled my blog somehow by spilling all of this out here. I will probably take this post down in a few days. But just today, right now, this is how I feel.

Thank you to any lovely person who has read all the way to the end of my little sob!


VintagePretty said...

Darling! *hugs* I can understand exactly where you're coming from, I really can. We were in the same boat, and had to have our wedding on a small budget, not because anyone was nagging at us, but because we aren't made of money and wanted it to be a small affair anyway.

I can tell you now that the small things like canapés don't make the wedding itself. Things like making some of your own food, like we did (everything from scratch!), buying our own alcohol, and having my MIL make the wedding cake (which my mother iced - i will get around to some pics!) took the pressure off financially.

Is there anywhere else you could hold the reception? Afternoon tea can be held very successfully anywhere - in a park? Riverside? Or maybe your own garden/house? We held ours in our back garden, because that's just 'us', and on your wedding day, that's the most important thing.

I was made to feel awful about having our wedding in the middle of the week (I was insistent it was on the middsummer solstice) and how difficult it would be, but it all turned out for the best in the end.

Don't lose sight of what you want, even if it costs a bit more, or seems more hassle, you'll have friends and family there on the day wanting to make your day as heavenly as it can be - don't fret, it'll all be fine in the end.

If you need to email me, please do (vintage pretty at gmail dot com) - I'm a fountain of wedding-ephemera knowledge! hehe. Most of all don't let it get you down, let things take their course, and it'll all turn out wonderfully in the end :)

Midori said...

Aw honey - Weddings are such happy occasions but thye take an awful lot of heart ache to get there. Don't compromise on anything unless you want to. Not only will it stop you having regrets after the day but it's good practice for married life!

However let go the aspects that you don't feel strongly about.

Please let us know if we can help in any way. I was quite prepared to make sushi for 150 people as a canape for my sister's wedding (alas the venue didn't allow it).

Daisy Lupin said...

First of all, If you're feeling blue, well spill it all out in your blog, you will feel a bit better for it.
Secondly, my daughter's best friend has just got married, as cheaply as possible, but had a wonderful wedding, but believe me this 'feeling blue' is also part and parcel of getting ready for a wedding, there will be ups and downs in the organisation along the way.
Thirdly DO remember it is your wedding, not the guests, so just do what feels right for you.
Fourthly Is there no one you are related to or friendly with you with a garden for the reception. A normal sized garden can hold quite a lot of people, and you could put up a marquee, not a really expensive one, just a common or garden one and decorate it. My neighbours, who have just moved had a large party every spring bank holiday in their garden which is by no means large and they had a blue canvas marquee they put up.

It is the small preparations that you make, exactly like you doing the inivitations which will make your wedding special. Anybody can splash money around and pick invitations out of a book, but it takes a special kind of person to create their own.

gena said...

Oh I just found your blog through Brocante home, and it is lovely! I run a small vintage lifestyle business, and this post made me think of a girl who came in my shop a while ago,like you she wanted a smaller wedding and decided to have a vintage wedding, she bought a 1920s wedding dress from me,the guests were encouraged to wear floral tea dresses in the 1920/30s style, men in suits,they had a ham salad tea at the local church hall, mums and Aunties baked fairy cakes etc.She initially faced oposition from the in laws but in the end the couple did it their way, and had a ball! I have seen the(black and white)pics, it looks like a lovely old fashioned wedding day. I do hope it works out as you hope, I remember my own wedding, or the lead up to it being very stressful! but on the day it was plain sailing, I am sure yours will be too.Best wishes,Gena