Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Written In The Stars
It's funny, what we believe, isn't it? I don't believe in stars and horoscopes as in 'a tall dark stranger is coming into your life' but I do believe in certain astrologers (such as Jonathan Cainer) being able to give you a kind of 'weather forecast' as it were. I know from experience with working with the public that we can tell when a full moon is coming from their behaviour! I was given a free booklet of week-by-week predictions at the start of the year, and for me the theme seems to be change. Now I am not great with change! I rather like routine and am a creature of habit. I tried to brush thoughts of sweeping changes out of my mind, but it must be written in the stars, because things are starting to happen! Firstly, of course, there is the change to the opening hours and days of my little library on the hill. Swiftly followed of course by the will-I-won't-I-have-a-job review at my other library. Oh, and in 8 weeks time, we are offically homeless as we have given in our notice to quit! Really, we have outgrown our flat and need somewhere with more storage and closer to town, but it feels terrifyingly scary to know so little about what my life is going to look like in just 8 short weeks. In 8 weeks I will know if I have a job, and if so, where, and be living somewhere else! Eeek! We viewed two properties tonight, the second one I knew as soon as we walked in it was not for us. The rooms were small and dark and very tall, and there was an oppressive atmosphere. Although it had more rooms than the first property, it seemed to have less space. Not for us at all! The first place though, I fell in love with. It only has one bedroom but is large and airy and spacious, and I just walked in and felt at home. I have phoned to say we want to take it, but have to hope we get in before anyone else as property rents so quickly. It is not ideal as it is available before we have to give this place up, so we may have to run them both for a month. It is making my tummy bubble with nerves and excitement all at the same time! I am at once overwhelmed by the thought of packing all our things up and moving, but do think it is a great opportunity for us (by which I mean me) to have a good declutter. I am a hoarder by nature, but the idea of having fewer things, and everything being super organised really appeals to me. I think it will be exhausting and I know it will be overwhelming at times but yes, we are ready. So please, do keep your fingers crossed for me that we get this new little flat! It would mean a 10 minute walk for Carl a day to the station instead of his current 50 minutes! More space and a new start somehow. I guess what is written in the stars is bound to come true, it is all change for us at the moment! Also, I am having a birthday tomorrow. I will be 29...the last year of my 20s. I have had some wonderful times in my 20s, and I feel sad in a way that they are coming to an end. I don't like finding grey hairs...I don't like feeling less flexible. I don't like feeling old and tired sometimes, although I know that 29 is not old...it is just older than I have ever been! I always somehow feel nostalgic too, and it is the thought that this is the end of my 20s that I am dwelling on ever so slightly, rather than it being the beginning of my 30s. I am not sad and blue about it, although I realise I sound a little reflective. I think really, I am getting to know myself better and am becoming closer and closer to my authentic self, to use a phrase that readers of Sarah Ban Breathnach will recognise. I want to spend this last year of my 20s having some wonderful adventures, but also, perhaps rather selfishly, to spend it on me. I want to have an idea of who I want to wake up as, this time next year, and spend the year working towards it. Poor Carl has been working so much recently, weekends, evenings, early mornings...but lucky, lucky me, he has managed to get tomorrow off work to spend with me. We are going to have brunch then go up to London for a talk at the V&A museum, and I am hoping we might squeeze in tea at Fortnum and Mason, or perhaps Liberty too. Whatever you are doing, I hope you have a scrumptious day!